pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
