Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
