I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
