As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
