Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
