Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
