call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
