So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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