Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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