From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize