I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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