he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
