wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
