Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
