My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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