I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know her cup size but not her name....
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