also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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