Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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