Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
