I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
