he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
