i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
