Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
