My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
