My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
