is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
