Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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