omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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