So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
