fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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