I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
