I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
