The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
