honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
