I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
