Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
