You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ttyl tear gas
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
