i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
