I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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