I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
