I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
