Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
