At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
