Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We talked him into tasing himself.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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