ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
its not stalking. its research.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
