His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
