end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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