It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
