i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
