I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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