Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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