This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
