3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
