I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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