well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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