My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
