Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
