Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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