u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
