Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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