it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
