if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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