Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
