Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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