Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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