FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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