"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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