Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude i'm inner monologue high
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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